mr tabloid

George Clooney’s girlfriend Sarah Larson looks prim and proper on the red carpet, but these pics that surfaced of her go-go dancer days in Vegas say otherwise. Taken just before she met the Clooney in July, these photos show Sarah getting her drunk on in a bikini and practically doing a guy in the middle of a dance club. I’m not saying George Clooney knows how to pick ‘em, but this is a girl you take home to mom. Then have sex with in the linen closet. Ah, sweet romance.

Teen drama Gossip Girl suffered a weak UK debut last night with just 293,000 viewers for ITV2.  An initial audience of 520,000 tuned in for the start of the episode at 10pm but quarter of an hour later it was down to just 244,000. Across the hour the show averaged 1.92% of the total audience.

The average audience for the slot last year was 471,000 (3.16%).  Leading the digital-only channels at 10pm was BBC Three’s EastEnders repeat with 744,000 (4.29%) viewers. Also outpacing ITV2 were Film 4, where The Transporter drew 516,000 (2.72%), and More4, attracting 400,000 (2.61%) for ER.  Source

Gisele Bundchen helped launch the Vogue Eyewear Play Everyday Campaign in Ibiza, Spain. I’ve never been a big fan of Gisele. Something about her face normally suggests she used to be named Tim. That said, she is looking all kinds of sexy in these pics. In fact, I’m so sure her ass could cure cancer, I’ve sent my findings to the brain-children at Johns Hopkins.

UPDATE: This just in: Scientists at Johns Hopkins declare Gisele Bundchen’s butt is the miracle cure for cancer. Claim to have never spoken to The Superficial Writer. But do, however, have medical records that can prove he has world’s tiniest testicles, if he opens his yap. For reals, no jokes.

Let’s say you’re Aubrey O’Day (yellow dress) of Danity Kane. You’ve got a hit CD and a huge performance last night at Opera Nightclub in Hollywood. Who do you show up with? She figured “How do you lose with Jenna Jameson?” Makes sense in a retarded sort of way. Anyway, Aubrey was also recently hanging out with Kim Kardashian, so maybe she’s looking into adult films. If Jenna Jameson is, finally, passing the torch to Aubrey O’Day, tell the Elders of Porn they have my vote. *RAWR* Sorry, pal, I didn’t want to speak for all of us. Make that two votes - counting my wiener.

Kate Bosworth knows how to tackle tough scenes - with gallons upon gallons of booze. As if chasing after my own heart, Kate talked to People about how she handled her love scene with Jim Sturgess in their new movie 21:

“We were both so drunk,” the Superman Returns star said. “Jim and I became such good friends, we decided to have a couple of drinks, loosen up and go for it.”

Jim Sturgess doesn’t even remember doing the scene:

“We were on Grey Goose, I think,” said the British actor. “It was brilliant for about half and an hour. As we continued to drink … it just became sloppy and messy. I couldn’t stand up at one point.”

So, wait, getting shit-faced and falling over is technically considered acting? Damn, where’s my Oscar? I don’t remember anything since 2003. Hey, where’d this wedding band come from? And who this little kid by my desk? Somebody fetch my whiskey mug so I can sort this out. *sips* Much better. Now I can get back to what I do best: typing with my forehead. *bang bang bang* Britney’s vagina *bang bang bang* Holy crap, boobs!

And that’s the story of how The Superficial Writer does his job. The End.

Hulk Hogan was spotted last night in Hollywood with a young man-chinned woman with implants. Naturally, everyone thought it was Brooke. But it was the Hulkster’s date. Yikes! It’s an honest mistake really. I mean, If it looks like a duck and has fake tits like a duck, it’s probably a duck that looks like your daughter and you should seek therapy TODAY.

Video of the paps mistaking Hulk’s date for Brooke after the jump.

Paris Hilton was apparently asked to help judge the Miss Turkey contest yesterday. One of the contestants brought Paris onstage to do some belly dancing and it would’ve been entertaining if Paris didn’t try to pull off her club dance moves on a well-lit stage. Have you ever been to the bar sober and watched chicks dance? It’s literally that awkward. I’ve seen sexier moves from a paraplegic wombat.

Simona Fusco Stratten apparently decided to air off her boobs while vacationing in Hawaii. Clearly those things were burning up because, damn, I’m sorry Kim Kardashian lovers, but there is all kinds of things right with this woman. And not because Simona flashed her jubilees like the sea water is the antidote. Which pretty much makes her a shining beacon of inspiration. I mean, Jesus is sitting in heaven right now going “And, fuck, I just got served. Way to be, JC.”

Big thanks to Roy who saw boobs and knew to contact a real expert. Then eventually me when that guy didn’t get back to him.

NOTE: First four pics are NSFW because of the wind in the boobage.