mr tabloid

Britney Spears’ parents came into town Monday night with plans of staging an intervention to get Britney mental help. Yesterday afternoon, Sam Lufti persuaded Britney to go car-shopping and they brought Lynne Spears along. It didn’t go well, according to People:

“Lynne and Britney were arguing in the car the whole time. They’re both upset and arguing, not having a good time at all,” an onlooker tells PEOPLE.

After 15 minutes at the dealership, Britney drove a black Escalade off the lot. “After she came out, she pulled over to the side of the road to argue with her mom more,” adds the onlooker.

TMZ then reported that Sam was disrupting the family’s intervention, so Sam called TMZ’s own Harvey Levin to set the record straight. Presumably through grave-pissing:

Lutfi said of the family, “They have an agenda. Their agenda is jealously because they don’t fit in. I do. They see her three times a year.”
Britney was by the phone during Lutfi’s conversation with Levin. Lutfi claimed he did not force Britney to buy a car, asking Brit, “Did I force you to buy a car.” In a heavy southern accent she responded, “No.” He continued, “Do I ever bug you.” She replied, “We argue.”

Family sources tell TMZ that Sam is a “megalomaniac” who is “motivated by evil.” I disagree. I see Sam Lufti as more of a “douchebag” who is motivated by “crazy vagina.” Yeah, that’s right. I can use fancy medical terms too.

Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio had a photo shoot this weekend in South Beach. I should also mention she’s three months pregnant. Normally, the sight of a pregnant woman makes me want to change my name, grow a moustache and flee to the Rockies. (If anyone asks, my name is Adam F. Thundernads.) But, today, I’m going to make an exception with Alessandra and ignore my natural, sharply honed reflexes. Maybe it’s because I’m starting to mature as an adult or perhaps it’s because she’s wearing a bikini. I’m not really sure. But I’d put money on the bikini – and a lot of it.

Mariah Carey went shopping yesterday at Van Cleef & Arpels on Rodeo Drive. I have no idea what that is because I have a penis. Anyway, she tried on several pieces of jewelry. Apparently her breasts aren’t noticeable enough. Even the guy in the background, let’s call him Nigel, is trying to resist touching them. He’s mostly afraid the top button of Mariah’s shirt will rocket off at any second severing his finger. Then how will he explain that to his wife Mrs. Nigel? I mean, once she notices his well-earned Purple Heart.

Lindsay Lohan got down with some Grey Goose over the weekend while partying with Brody Jenner of MTV’s The Hills in NYC. Lindsay’s friends and rep deny she was drinking, but observers noticed she was definitely in the sack. NY Daily News reports:

One source contends that drinks were showing on Linds on Friday. Confronted by paparazzi at the Beatrice, “she started going berserk,” claims a witness. “She didn’t want them taking shots of her with Brody.”

How dare they take pictures of Lindsay when she’s only hooking up with one guy? She’s got a reputation to uphold as a three-man whore-bot. The least the paps could’ve done was provided her with a homeless guy to have sex with on top of some garbage cans. It’s called chivalry. Maybe you guys should look it up sometime.

Jamie Lynn Spears’ show Zoey 101 returned for another season despite rumors that Nickelodeon was debating whether to air it. Apparently the ratings extravaganza for the last season finale convinced them to bring it back even though parents were worried about the message Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy sends to kids. The AP reports:

The show has continued to air in repeats since then, with little fanfare from the network, leading to speculation that its fourth season might be shelved.
“The new season is under way. It premiered last night,” Nickelodeon spokeswoman Marianne Romano told The Associated Press.

If Nickelodeon is worried about kids thinking pregnancy is cool, right after Zoey they should air episodes of John & Kate Plus 8. I watched John & Kate once and literally got five vasectomies. I even paid the neighbor kid to come over to my house each morning and punch me in the nuts. But he’s running a bit late today. Wait, there he is. And he remembered the brass knuckles. Nice work, Timmy.

An impostor claiming to be Heath Ledger’s father Kim Ledger (above) was receiving emotional support over the phone from Tom Cruise. The con man also attempted to milk John Travolta for plane tickets to New York and had the funeral home where Heath’s body was being kept book him rooms at the Carlyle Hotel, according to the New York Post:

Over the next few days, he “had had a couple of conversations with” Cruise, asking for emotional support, said the source. But Cruise abruptly cut him off when he learned “he was an impostor,” the source said. “Heath’s reps found out there was this hoaxer and they called various celebs.” Sources close to Cruise confirmed the impostor contacted him.

This dude is definitely a sick son of a bitch, but I wonder why he picked Tom Cruise and John Travolta. According to the videos I watched on YouTube before the users got their pants sued off, Scientologists are the bee’s knees at picking out liars. And here I was just about to believe that aliens in B-52’s created life on Earth. But now, not so much. For shame Tom Cruise and John Travolta. For shame.

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale are expecting their second child, according to The Sun:

A source said: “They found out at California’s Cedars-Sinai hospital and couldn’t wait to share the news with everyone.”

Gavin’s father also confirmed the news to People today. Could these two be any more ridiculously good looking? Sometimes I look at them and think, “Damn, I’m almost not the most attractive thing ever. Almost.” Then afterwards I go look at myself in the mirror and angels start singing in heavenly voices which makes me feel all better. Or maybe it’s that gas leak I never fixed… *passes out*

Gwen Stefani is pregnant according to Gavin Rossdale’s father, Douglas.”Yes, they are!” he said early Tuesday in a telephone interview. When asked if he’s happy, he said, “Of course!”

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Victoria Beckham appears nude on a T-shirt for designer Marc Jacobs as part of a campaign to warn people about skin cancer. The shirts, signed by Posh, will be on sale in Marc’s shops starting next week.

Victoria said: “Since we moved to California I have realized how important it is to practice safe sun for myself and to keep my three boys’ skin well protected as well. Skin cancer is a huge problem, and I really wanted to help raise awareness by taking part in Marc’s initiative.”

She is one to talk! She always looks roasted!

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